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| ‘Bad Boys II’: drug dealers’
best advertisement |
Special
to The Appalachian
|
To be blunt about it, after seeing “Bad
Boys II” I really wanted to do drugs.
I figure if I do drugs, maybe I’ll be enveloped in a
world that’s something akin to a rap video/ gum commercial.
You know what I’m talking about, heavy techno beats and
a bunch of people who don’t talk to one another, gyrating
and making out. It all seems very hedonistic and right up
my alley.
That about sums up my experience with “Bad Boys II.”
The lesson learned was that drugs are cool.
Of course, this lowly writer also thought about doing a handstand
in a mountain of cocaine after seeing similar glorious displays
of excess played out in “Blow” and “Scarface.”
I don’t even want to get into what I thought about after
viewing “Boogie Nights.”
So maybe my young, impressionable mind has been warped by
movies like these.
But honestly, I’ve really been craving drugs since “Bad
Boys II.”
Okay, so here’s the plot: Wisecracking cops with flagrant
disregard for “doing it by the book” try to topple
random ecstasy kingpin. Bloodshed and played-out good cop/bad
cop routine ensue. Somewhere in between all that, the Cuban
military is toppled.
Thankfully, the bloodshed is epic and the pairing of Will
Smith and Martin Lawrence still works.
I figured that after Smith had become accustomed to acting
in more family-oriented films like “Men in Black,”
or dramas like “Ali,” he would be afraid to step
back into such an outright violent film.
Well that’s his choice and I could really care less either
way who is staring in it.
When a movie abandons all the makings of a good film and throws
its budget into nothing but gruesome violence, girls high
on ecstasy making out with one another amidst the throes of
a chemical-induced passion and top 40 hip-hop songs, it’s
pretty much a sure thing.
It doesn’t hurt that it’s pretty funny also.
But on to the bad aspects.
I’m sure at some juncture this summer you’ve heard
the P. Diddy/ Nelly song “Shake ya Tailfeather.”
Actually if you’ve been listening to the radio I’m
sure you’ve heard it about 500 times.
Well, get ready to hear it about 500 more.
Somehow, the folks who decided what songs from the soundtrack
should be in the film made up their minds to just ignore the
incredible Jay-Z song along with every other song on the soundtrack.
Instead, why not just feature “Shake ya Tailfeather”
whenever was appropriate?
Look! Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are walking in slow motion
over the horizon, looking tough ... play the song!
Look! The conclusion of a comedic situation ... play the song!
Look! Some kid just overdosed on ecstasy thus fulfilling the
producers moral obligation as to why two ultra-hip cops are
trying to stop it instead of doing it ... you get the idea.
Now the repetitiveness of the song wasn’t what irked
me. What really made the urge to run out of the theater screaming
come to a boil were the other moviegoers and their reaction
to the song.
Imagine sitting there trying to forget about a world outside,
and every time that song comes on, a theater full of hopelessly
white, backwater, grocery bagging, gene pool rejects erupt
into their best Nelly impressions.
These creatures were rapping with such passion and gesticulating
so wildly you would think they were auditioning for P. Diddy
himself.
But this is a theater full of people who want to watch a movie
and forget about their problems for two hours.
When MC Redneck Idiot with an Urban Flare decides to start
rhyming behind me, I’m forced to remember that the world
is full of these morons.
If I heard that song one more time, I was going to shake my
tailfeather towards the nearest bottle of prescription sedatives.
So if you want a movie with explosions, sex, drugs, humor
that even the most hopeless members of the human race can
get, and the complete absence of any kind of intellectual
content, “Bad Boys II” is right up your alley.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think the drugs are kicking
in.
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